Merry Christmas

T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENT BY Alien Jourgensen A Christmas Poem To The Piss Army T’was 2007 and all through the year Not a creature was buying this climate of fear The stockings were hung in a foreclosure scare In hopes that the Banks would forget we were there! The soldiers were nestled all snug in their beds While visions of extended tours messed with their heads And Dick and Lynn Cheney with shotguns in lap Had just pardoned Scooter for shutting his yap When down at the White House there arose such a clatter I sprang out the door to see what was the matter! Away to the protest I flew like a flash I marched for a while and got tazed in the clash Then soon I was arrested – for what I don’t know But the ACLU said that “This just won’t go!” When what to my wondering eyes should appear But a miniature Cheney and eight dead reindeer With his pacemaker pumping, so lively and quick I knew in a moment it must be St. Dick! Faster than subpoenas, his minions they came He waterboarded and tortured and called them by name: “Now Halliburton! Now Exxon! Now Conoco! Now Shell! On Blackwater! On Bechtel! – Let’s all go to Hell!” To the top of the West Wing, to the top of The Wall “Now stash away! Stash away! Stash way All!” As voters are wondering why their vote doesn’t fly Here comes Karl Rove and he’ll tell you why So up to the White House the CEOs flew With a sleighful of cash and Dick Cheney too! And then, in a twinkling I heard on the roof Was the hemming and hawing of the ultimate Goof (heh heh heh heh) I raised just one finger and jumped all around Coz there on the roof Ole “Dubya” came round He was dressed all in fur that Cheney had killed He looked rather dapper on the taxpayers’ bill A bundle of cash he had flung on his back Looked happy as Cheney right before an attack His eyes – how they twinkled, but his manners were weary Coz Alberto Gonzales has so much to bury! His droll little mouth was drawn up in a sneer Like all of those press conferences he holds so dear The stump of a crack pipe he held in his teeth He said: “Laura, I’m sorry! I’ve relapsed – I’m weak!” And his friend had a Wide Stance and a little round belly That shook when he laughed in a toilet so smelly Dim-witted and dumb a right jolly old elf And I laughed when I saw him, giving way my own stealth A wink of his eye and a snap of his finger Soon gave me to know I shouldn’t loiter or linger He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work Put the cash in his stockings, then turned with a jerk And laying his finger aside of his nose Thumbs up! And a nod for the coke that he chose He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle “And away to Iran like a nuclear missile!” But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight: “Happy Christmas to no one – Impeachment’s not right!” MERRY CHRISTMAS PISSANTS! “DON’T TAZE ME, BRO!”

Be All You Can Be... In A Body Bag....

Be All You Can Be was the slogan the Army used when I was back in HS and lo and behold these fucktards gave yours truly a call last Monday asking me if I was interested in "Joining" I was Like WHAT???? " I am an Honorably Discharged Squid and What The Fuck Would I want to join now for? Fuck Iraq War, Fuck Cheney Fuck Bush and FUCK U ," Goodbye and DON'T CALL AGAIN I YELLED. The nerve of these fucktards invading me in my privacy...oh wait I forgot we don't have privacy because of the Patriot Act...Fuck U very Much Hillary Clinton and Norm Coleman Fuck U Very Much. This brings back memories of the US Marshall's request to join their team, now I seriously thought of it but they could NOT guarantee me I would get a job on International Flights to Eastern Europe, Hell at least the NAVY gave me the West Coast Guarantee and everyone knows what NAVY stands for...NEVER AGAIN VOLUNTEER YOURSELF. Wise Words, personally I would love to see a draft for the Peace Corps. NOW THAT WOULD BE A WORTHY DRAFT, ....just as long as we U.S.Citizens were going to learn and NOT to try to force unrealistic prat ices on cultures that are far wiser than our so called help.....